A Note From Julie...

Aloha and Happy Springtime!

I'll bet thousands of articles are written each year around this time in preparation for the traditional, arduous and somewhat tedious task of "spring cleaning!"

Thinking way back when (...now don't get carried away -- it wasn't eons ago!) ...I remember as a young child, the enthusiasm in the air, this monumental task generated for me. Well, from the perspective of a child it was exciting anyway -- maybe not as much for my mom!

I remember looking forward to the "freshness" that came alive in our home with this special annual cleaning. I loved the refreshing look of a fresh coat of paint; the tranquil fragrance of crisp, pristine curtains in my bedroom; the excitement of possibly acquiring a new bedspread, comforter or bedsheets; and definitely the high gloss that a new coat of floor wax and buffers rendered to the hardwood floors throughout the home. Besides, I loved to take a long running start ... slide across the floors in stocking feet -- for this was the best time of year to perform my great gymnastic feats!

For my brothers, I recall it was also a time when "lost treasures" were rediscovered in the process of cleaning every nook and cranny during spring-cleaning.

Yes, a good "spring cleaning" can be loaded with experiences, lessons and joys of all sorts. For this reason, I have decided to dedicate this issue to "Organizing The Family."

I figured that most all of my business clients, male and female, are not only challenged in the office -- the majority of them are struggling with the high demands of running their homes, personal involvements and family in a more organized manner.

There are a bazillion obligations and commitments it seems and never enough time to perform them. When we talk about "spring cleaning" we also need to address the way we are doing things around the home. Are you always running helter skelter? Is the family functioning by the seat of their pants? Do you have trouble keeping track of who is where? Do you have to be in 2 places at the same time on a regular basis?

Well, this issue of The Phoenix Organizing Times may be just what the "Doctor of Chaos Control" ordered! Even if the kids have left the nest -- I guarantee there will be at least one priceless jewel for you to incorporate in making the "spring cleaning" of home life management a tad easier to handle!

Happy Organizing!

And remember, just as we speak of "team efforts" in the office -- running a more sane home life involves the entire family team -- no one is immune and everyone will benefit!

Much Aloha,
     Julie

A Call For Help From Mom and Dad...

Often you will hear being organized defined as "finding what you want, when you need it, where you expect it to be." This is only the tip of the iceberg! Being organized is about striving for more balance and peace of mind -- creating the time and space to be in alignment with your value system both professionally and personally.

In this day and age there are more things to do, more materials to read, more groups to network, more information to acquire, processed and address ... and most people are experiencing far less time to do it in! Now that's a funny concept -- because there are still only 24 hours in a day. So we need to take a peek as what we are "choosing" as our priorities instead.

I have facilitated hundreds of workshops and seminars on the various subjects of "Being More Organized." Regardless of who the audience is comprised of -- it inevitably comes down to one thing: choosing your priorities more wisely and taking responsibility for your actions and their results.

I am a huge advocate of "taking time for oneself first." It's important to know you have a time and space to call your own. In order to continue to "give of oneself" to family and profession you need to recharge -- daily! Whether it be 60 minutes or 15 minutes -- it must be done daily! It's essential to have even the slightest, tiniest space within your home where you can take refuge -- which means appealing and peaceful to the eye, mind and spirit! Another words, a clutter-free-quiet-zone!

The way I see it, the demands of personal and professional life need to be kept in closer alignment to one's intrinsic values. If "family" is an essential element to your personal value system -- ask yourself why you choose ( and yes, it's ALL about choices -- taking responsibility for our actions instead of being victim to them) to work 50, 60, 80 hours a week?

The demand of parenting is an indispensable full time job in and of itself. In order to achieve more organization within the family unit of our lives -- something has to give. There are choices that need to be made and hopefully they are in alignment with ones intrinsic values -- or you start feeling even more torn, stretched, haggard, weary, short-tempered, resentful and even hopeless.

In order to take inventory of "living your values" ...you need the time and space to check-in with yourself! In order to acquire the time and space you need to become more organized. In order to become more organized at home you need to enroll the entire family team. In order to enroll the entire family team -- they need to know you need help!

Attempting to do it all on your own is futile and stressful. Leave your kids a lasting legacy that lets them know we are all human -- mom and dad alike. You need everyone to assist. And it is quite OK to admit it!

"Warning Signs" For Families...

The irony of insisting that "spending time you already don't have to get more organized" is: this attitude insures you will never have the time! Yes! There is an indisputable initial investment of time to pay for getting more organized. After that, systems created will take a mere 15-20 minutes a day to maintain. The key factor is: you need to recruit all family members in the process -- regardless of age, sex or family stature. No one is immune from pitching in!

Some of the warning signs that may alert you of an upcoming "titanic experience":

• the home looks like it was broken into when you leave each morning
• kids continually forget or lose their homework, lunch and/or school projects
• kids are late for the bus and you're driving them to school regularly
• you're writing more notes to the teacher justifying the tardiness of your child
• you find yourself purchasing items that you know are in the home -- somewhere!
• family members are complaining they have nothing to wear for school or work in the morning
• you have money in your checking account -- yet constantly pay late payments
• you find yourself regularly sending "belated" cards
• April 15th is never an issue -- you normally file for an extension
• you're constantly zipping down the highway in a tizzy for club meetings, Little League, Brownies, Scouts, dance recitals, sports games, practices, parties, and rehearsals
• you order out more often than not, you serve frozen processed meals regularly, or dinner has become a free for all
• it's easier to provide lunch money than make a healthy lunch
• you arrive home and notice one of the kids is missing -- someone forgot to pick them up!

Taking the time to get organized is an investment in you, your family and what's really important to you in your life! It's an investment that will repay you over and over again. By creating systems within the family unit, you can help ease all the responsibilities and burden from being on one person and you will recoup the time to do what's really important for you and your loved ones. It's critical that the family unit become a "team unit" in assuming responsibilities around the home.

Developing Habits For Kids...

Have you ever watched a 3 year old handle the decision making process on "what to keep and what to toss" from a months worth of pre-kindergarten papers? I did and it was an awesome and empowering sight!

Providing your child with the appropriate organizational tools is the first step. There are several models of colorfully designed cardboard "file drawers" for kids to suit their needs. Understanding the concept of "limited storage space" is crucial at an early age. In this manner the child will grow up "making choices and decisions" as to what is really important and necessary. This is a skill that must be implemented at an early age -- so as not to perpetuate packratitusness as an adult. Many of my adult clients are very willing to eliminate the excess in their lives -- they just never learned the questions of how or what to ask themselves and make a "decision to decide."

For more suggestions on "organizing tools for kids" peruse our Library files in the 1,2,3 SORT IT website and search our archives of "Hot Picks."

Here are a few more questions you may want to consider:

Does your child pick up their own cloths? Do they pick up their own toys? Make their bed? Participate in daily and weekly household chores? Do they have a vital role in creating more harmony and order in the day-to-day needs of family living? What simple chores can you delegate at various ages to assist you in meeting all the demands of being the C.E.O. of Home Life Management? How are you empowering your children now for the realities and responsibilities for when they get older? Are you waiting until they are 10, 12, 16? Why? If you want your child to grow up being a balanced and responsible adult -- then it is imperative that you give them the appropriate amount of responsibility as they mature -- or you will dis-empower them as young adults.

Of course family members may not do it "as well as you would," yet it is imperative that you learn to strive for good and excellent ...and let go of the concept of perfect ...it doesn't exist until we get to heaven. Yet, help is around the corner ...if you ask, and are willing to receive what your child has to offer to the best of their ability at each distinctive stage of their growth cycle.

Let's face it, the first bed that a child makes will be lumpy! Instead of immediately telling them they left "lumps" -- what can you praise about their efforts in the process? Teach them in a non-threatening manner on another day (maybe using your own bed as an example) how to remove the lumps.

Chronic Challenges Plaguing Busy Families ...

The most recurring theme plaguing busy families is the presumption that it's mom's job to manage the household in most every facet: cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, taxi service, social co-ordinator, troop leader, community volunteer, guidance counselor, doctor, mediator, tutor, financial advisor and in the majority of cases -- still be a full time professional! Whew!! That's a TALL order!

In my experience as a Professional Organizer, I have found that far too often mom "assumes" this position of command. When I ask women if they have requested assistance in their ream of endless chores -- the most recurring answer is "...well, ummm, not really -- I figured they would say no." Or, "after all these years with no one helping -- I figured they never would -- so why ask?"

It is important to understand that "super-mom" and "super dad" exists only on T.V.! The responsibilities for running the home and all it's demands needs to be a shared responsibility. This may mean certain assigned tasks or jobs may not be done "perfectly" or as good as you would do it. You need to accept that semi-good, good or excellent are perfectly adequate, as well as empowering to the family member assisting you. There needs to be far more delegations with the household tasks in every family unit -- however big or small. Chores of all sorts can become shared responsibilities to keep everyone sane, happy, and more organized.

Aside: when working with my "kid" clients, they have often shared with me that "they say I'm not old enough to help with such and such" ...or "I did it once and I messed up and I haven't been allowed to help out since."

Kids LOVE to feel like big people and they LOVE to help out. As adults you may need to adjust what you think the end result ought to look like! Teaching excellence is far healthier than perfectionism.

Measuring Up To Glossy Magazine Pages...

Recently, I contracted with another full time busy professional woman ... who assists her hubby part-time in a lucrative family business ...while assuming total responsibility for being the C.E.O. of Home Life Management. Does this sound like anyone else you know?

Sadly enough, she was in total overwhelm when she contacted me, like the majority of my new clients. During our initial assessment interview she commented "...I want my home to look like the pictures I see in the magazines, yet I'm so exhausted at the end of every day and I just feel like I'm doing everything wrong!" "Why so-and-so across the street is a career woman, raising a family, active in the community and her home looks great!"

It's important for people to understand that "Rome wasn't built in a day." Deciding to become more organized as a family team and implementing new strategies along the way -- takes time. Give yourself credit for the "little things" daily. Were you able to locate your briefcase precisely when you left this morning? Did the kids make the bus on time with lunch and homework in hand? Did Johnny take out the trash for you this evening? Did Suzy bring her own dirty cloths to the laundry room?

Celebrate!!! Getting organized is a kinetic motion -- small steps taken daily. Give yourself a pat on the back -- acknowledging what may appear to be the most insignificant win is crucial in seeing the light at the end of the organizing tunnel! Besides, due to a confidentiality agreement I have with all my clients, my new client didn't realize that I had already worked with her neighbor! You never know the real story about the appearances of what you see. Besides, those "stage sets" in the magazines weren't built in a day either!

The A, B, C's For Organizing The Family ...

A) Keeping homework organized:

• To assist kids in keeping their homework organized they need the appropriate "tools of the trade." I recommend Oxford Slash Files for this purpose. They come in a bright array of colors and are pre-punched, easily fitting directly into the appropriate subject area of any binder.
• Make sure your child has a mini note pad to record all homework assignments as they are received. In essence they are creating their "To Do" list. Help them get into the practice of writing due dates and steps needed ie: trip to the library, research on the Internet etc... Remember to teach them how to scratch it off their list as each assignment is completed too!

B) Get the family to share responsibility:

• Have a family meeting.
• Create a list of chores that you need to delegate several weeks in advance of your meeting

  recycling	table setting	cooking
  yard work	table clearing	groceries
  dishes	taxi service	trash
  room cleaning - definitely their own bedrooms at minimum
  laundry (wash, fold and put away)
  etc....

• You need to come to an agreement on sharing responsibilities.
• Appeal to those in your family that it is a team effort that is required to keep the home running efficiently.
• Don't be afraid to admit that you need help. Super-mom/dad exists only on T.V.!
• Maintain your calmness throughout the entire meeting.
  • do not allow your buttons to be pushed
  • take a few deep breaths and start again ...
  • say nothing if you feel the urge to raise your voice
  • take a few deep breaths and start again ...
  • be specific in stating what is and is not "acceptable behavior"
  • make a list of ALL the things you already do, then instead of "telling" each family member to do a chore - ask for suggestions with your dilemma.
  • then say nothing. (this can be compared to buying a car after you state your price - who ever speaks first forfeits their offer - did you ever notice?)
  • the silence may feel very uneasy yet... say nothing. This is crucial. You can be assured someone else will break the odd and uncomfortable silence and volunteer to do something.
  • commend and celebrate the team effort.

C) Ending the day organized:

In order to end the day in a more organized fashion it is imperative that you enroll everyone in putting items back in their appropriate space when they use it. This does not mean "find a place and stuff something in it." It means returning it to it's proper space.

If everyone does their best to return items after each use -- then the "pickup" process is simplified drastically. At the end of each day I spend approximately 10-15 minutes maximum walking swiftly through every room on my way to bed placing any odds and ends back in their proper order. Seriously, it takes 15 minutes -- tops! In this manner I am able to start each new day with a fresh perspective and not a cluttered, crunching perspective.

If you find you are too tired on your way to bed -- stop what your doing 15 minutes sooner. Getting kids in the habit of following this ritual will be far easier if they see you yourself "walking the talk."

D) Getting kids out of bed and out the door in the morning:

• Create an agreement with your kids. If they have difficulty getting up in the morning and being punctual -- then they will need to be going to bed 30 minutes earlier.
• Set all the clocks in the bedrooms 10 minutes earlier than "real time." When you are sleepy it's harder to be cognizant of the fact that you are "tricking" your mind and eyes.
• Place a clock in every bathroom -- most people haven't a clue how much time they really spend in the bathroom each morning.
• Create "shifts" for morning bathroom use. If someone arrives 5 minutes late -- the next person in line has carte-blanche to get their turn earlier. If a child misses their slot -- teach them how to use that time to get other things done in the interim -- eat breakfast, collect school belongings, prepare cloths to wear, make their bed -- maybe even sweep the floor for you or empty the garbage! Teach them punctuality and the efficient use of time at an early age.
• If you have a "drowsy starter" in the morning, see if you can arouse them differently rather than just yelling to them to get up. We all know if you repeat the same action -- you'll get the same results -- so get creative! How about a special hug, a playful tickle or even an inspiring jovial squirt gun?

E) Managing the paper piles that come home from school:

First of all, if you want your child to be more organized with their paperwork -- you MUST take a look at your own first! If kids are constantly exposed to paper piles at an early age, they get the message loud and clear that P.h.D's (piles high and deep) are quite OK!

Whenever I am consulted with in organizing a child or young adult's room -- in all honesty -- I have to have the parent take an objective view of what their own habits shout first! After the younger family members watch mom and dad in the process of becoming more organized -- it makes far more sense for them to give it a shot. My experience is that they are far more motivated to "do what the big people are doing." They really don't want to be left out in acting grown up!

• Utilize a "wire basket system" for the entire family: To Do, To Read and To Attend
• Place it in a central location
• Assign each child a color. Have them place a removable "color-coded dot," crayon or magic marker symbol on the upper corner of the paper so you can easily distinguish which child is making the request or relaying the information.

• Items requiring a phone call, your signature, a donation/contribution are -- To Do. This ranges from permission slips, to report cards, to requests for a school bake sale.
• General notes or F.Y.I's from teachers, coaches, tutors or instructors that you need to be aware of are -- To Read
• Upcoming events you need to be at, or play taxi driver to: PTA meetings, sports meets, recitals, games, practices are -- To Attend
• Create a "monumental moment museum" area at a designated area in the home. Invest in a large cork board or use your refrigerator to display your child's accomplishments. Each display needs to be rotated using the "a new one in ...an old one out" method. It will be the child's responsibility to make the decision to keep, toss or store the oldest display -- in their own space.

F) Organizing kids' schedules and activities:

• There is a great tool on the market called "Mission Control™." It was designed by a couple that felt the family responsibilities and commitments were nearing a danger level to maintain.

  Mission Control™ is a weekly calendar system for the whole family to use! It is playfully designed, colorful and FUN! The kids will absolutely LOVE showing you where they need to be or what parent activity is coming up in utilizing this system!

  Note: This product is currently one of the "Hot Picks" on the 1,2,3 SORT IT website. If visitors are new to the website -- all archived "Hot Picks" are now located in the Library section.

• The key in organizing family schedules is to enroll the kids into telling you what needs to be done, when and how. You can't expect yourself to remember everything.
• Keep a family calendar in a well used area.
• If your spouse has an upcoming business dinner - HE enters the information.
• If the kids have practice, recital or school activity - THEY log it.
• Give each person a different color pen to mark their event, as well as avoid confusion in whose commitment it is. This will not only be a great way to keep track of WHERE everyone is - it also allows you to plan your own schedule around the other family commitments you may have to keep.
• Let them know you need advance notice in order to do your best at accommodating everyone. If they don't log it you can't be expected to always work it in to your "already busy" schedule.
• Avoid keeping a set of calendars for every activity you are involved in. That is a prime way of "over-scheduling" yourself. You need to see ALL of your activities for the week at a glance to get the full prospective.

G) Handling homework:

• Designate a special time of day when home work needs to be completed.
• After a full day of school it's best to let your children go out and play when they come home!!! Let them burn some of that energy off and allow their creativity to exude! They'll be more willing to sit down and work in a focused manner.
• Hmmmm, as a adults we too may want to implement this strategy. When you first come home from work -- take a minimum of 30 minutes to relax prior to running to your list of chores -- trust me you'll feel less resentful of being on such a fast treadmill!

H) Keeping the car livable:

The same strategies that apply to "end of day" tips applies here too! After each taxi run, have the kids remove any items that they left in the car -- if they don't you claim the item!

At the end of every month hold a family auction where they must purchase their items back from you. The form of purchase can be completing a particular chore. Never return the item prematurely or the lesson will more than likely be repeated. Believe me "one" game without your baseball mitt will not be easily forgotten.

If you need help in removing the disposable items from the car -- assign "car cleaning" to the kids on a rotational basis. It's far easier to comprehend what "one little piece of paper" left behind means -- when there are several brothers and sisters doing it repeatedly. The actual experience of removing other peoples litter when they are doing it will make the child think twice -- especially if this Saturday is their turn for "car duty."

I) Enlisting or enforcing help from the kids and spouse:

* See Family Meeting comments. Rule of thumb -- force is temporary -- what we are looking for is avid and repeated volunteers enrolled in assisting us! :)

J) Getting kids back into bed at the end of the day:

• Create an agreement for kids. Sit down with them and ask for their feedback on the subject of bedtime. A huge clue here is learning how to ask the appropriate questions that will produce realistic answers on their part. Once again, by giving them the latitude to physically create the agreement with you -- rather than being TOLD what to do, when to do it and how to do it all the time, will generate far more success in achieving an end result that works for both of you!
• Remember to be very specific -- kids won't do it on purpose, yet, you can be assured they will find your loopholes.
  
  Decide together:
  • what are the instances where a concession may be made -- be specific!
  • list the penalties of breaking the agreement
• Create penalties that you will stick to. Do not create consequences that will be hard for you to follow through with....
• Know that kids "test" adults. This is not unique to any specific environment. It is the nature of being a child.
• The art of discipline is also an expression of love. You are not taking away from a child's "childhood" by teaching self-discipline and responsibility. It is another facet and extension of your love.

Aside: Prior to working in Corporate America I was an educator in an inner city school system for 9 years. Repeatedly I came to learn that my students really appreciated and respected the disciplinary actions that were the "ground rules" in our classroom. Inevitably they came to learn that it was BECAUSE I cared so much for them, that I followed through with our agreed upon penalties. I hate to tell you how many kids "wanted" to stay in my class at the end of the day within a few months. I'd also like to interject that this was Jr. High -- a most unlikely scenario -- yet the truth of the matter was that due to their family structures and lack of discipline in many cases -- they felt their parents didn't care ......

Encouraging Thoughts For Parents...

There is a great quote by --Anais Nin: "We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are."

If our minds are cluttered, chaotic, hectic and overflowing with "things to do" -- then our environments are most likely the same. Organization is a way to bring not only peace, rhythm and balance -- aesthetically to our environment (be it home or work), it is also a means to bring more peace, clarity, focus and harmony to our minds and spirit -- and ultimately to those closest to us -- our family, friends and peers.

I teach all my clients and seminar attendees that the first steps in becoming more organized, is ironically, learning how to take time for ones self - first! The consensus from the majority of clients and attendees is that I am the first person that ever gave them permission to take this critical step. Most people struggle at first, yet, once they step into the realm of taking this personal time regularly -- the results are amazing.

Personal and professional commitments are seen from a fresh perspective and they are able to approach all their schedules, demands, tasks and goals with a new found clarity of direction and intention. They are able to let go of senseless expectations that they have imposed on themselves and approach their commitments in a more balanced state.

If you are constantly on the go -- oftentimes you will loose track of where you wanted to be -- all you know is that you are in constant motion -- therefore you "assume" you must be making progress. Yet is the progress in alignment with what you anticipated as the end result?

It's the same way in the home, yet based on concrete results, it's more obvious that you may be spinning your wheels and going in the wrong direction -- or nowhere fast.

If I could shout it from the highest mountain top -- I would want parents to understand that they desperately need to create the time and space to come to grips with all the demands of their busy lives, and then make the appropriate choices based on their intrinsic values. The only way this can seriously be done, is by taking "quiet personal time" to tune in on what their reality has become -- by choice.

Everything we do is all about "making choices." The choices we make as adults shout loud and clear what's OK for our kids to do.

Parents need to voice their humanness and admit that they cannot do it all -- especially alone -- without every family members assistance. In calling out for support you teach your kids a valuable lesson -- that they all play an important, active role in creating a harmonious and more organized family unit. Now that is a powerful legacy for children to acquire, for they too will eventually become adults and parents themselves!

Julie's Gems...

"People celebrate achievements and spotlight heroes, but the truly heroic act is not in the outcome but in starting out and not knowing if you will succeed."
-- Soren Kierkegaard