Re: HELP-my daughter HOARDS everything!!!!

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Posted by Julie Signore on November 21, 2000 at 19:41:35:

In Reply to: HELP-my daughter HOARDS everything!!!! posted by Deena Restifo-Wright on November 19, 2000 at 10:30:26:

Aloha Deena....

Sorry for the delay in response here ! Let's see if I can give you some QUICK pointers.....

<<## Deena, after reading your post -- THIS ONE AREA is *key* ! Remember...it takes 21 days to create a new habit or break an old one ...I strongly suggest you give it another shot & MAKE it a priority for the next 3 weeks -- especially w/the Holidays swiftly approaching when *more stuff* will land in your daughters room.

<<## {{{sigh}}}.... I KNOW your parents mean well...yet this is not helping the situation at all!!! First of all in my experience ...kids don't need more *stuff* ...they need more *time* w/parents, grand-parents etc...See if you can convince your folks to *DO* something w/your daughter vs attempting to scores points by giving her things (sorry if that's sound too "cut to the chase"...yet it is the bottom line) :) It is so much easier to buy for kids than give them what they REALLY need-- our attention!

If your folks feel they still need to buy *stuff* let them know in advance, that unless your daughter is ready to do a "1 in...1 out" method ...that any further gifts will be donated to a childrens home in your daughters name. Your folks really need to *honor* your request. If needs be ..please feel free to let them read my response.

Another idea you may want to pursue ...is take your daughter on a day -trip . See if you can both volunteer at a shelter ...or kids home or ...whatever you can come up with. Maybe...just maybe ...if your daughter SEES kids with less than her ...you caninspire her to share some of the things she no longer uses. I've seen this work before -- hopefully something will resonate w/your daughter. Besides, it's the perfect time of year to be giving (course I believe we never need a holiday as an excuse ...yet it is a motivating factor for some) Your daughter needs to maybe *experience* other kids who have far less....maybe in this way she won't think of it as "parting with her stuff" ...she'll think of it as helping another child out & learning gratitude for the smaller things in Life)

Beyond accumulating more *stuff* it is CRUCIAL to teach your child balance at this tender age. Balance in what she owns ...keeps...uses...donates...She needs to get in touch w/the concept of "limited space" for another skill set as well. (more in your 3rd part of this response) She is at such an incredible & tender age & NEEDS to learn these skills before it's too late. I'm sure you heard of "packrats annonymous" -- this is SERIOUS ...& not to be taken lightly!

If your daughter does not get to master this skill now...she is possibly in for a huge burden of indecision in her later years. I have seen this far too often plague adults in running a home, their professional lives & passing on necessary skills to their own kids.

<<### Whoa!!!! Hold on a sec Deena. Hmmmm, your daughter is 8 ...& *you* are managing her papers in your space??? Time for a chit -chat :)

Deena, first of all there are a wealth of tools to assist kids in getting organized. They are meant to assist a child in * maintaining* their own items, memorabilia, papers, toys etc...My first suggestion would be to clear out all of your daughters items from your files! Go shopping together (or do it online) & get her a mini file cabinet of her own, as well as some Rubbermaid containers for storing her treasures.

Now the key is, that once you purchase the *supply* (15% more than what she needs now-- preferrably after she becomes *open* to the concept of *donating*) ...then you instruct her that "This is it!" Once the containers are filled she will have to make *choices* as one cannot keep everything!! It's physically impossible.

My suggestion is, that your daughter learn how to weed things out. Tell her she can pick *6* of her favorite pictures drawn from the year, or 12 of her favorite papers graded or 12 special cards...see what we are doing? We are putting a *limit* on how much she can keep. Trust me Deena ...she truly DESPERATELY needs to learn this lesson/skill real soon -- or her Life will be havoc as an adult ;(

Keep me posted & feel free to post your progress or further challenges in this regard.

Good LUCK!!! I'm rooting for ya!

Much Aloha,

Julie Signore -
President: The PHOENIX Organizational Consulting Service
CEO: 1,2,3 SORT IT Organizing Solutions -- Innovative Tools
NSA Member, NAPO Member

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Re: HELP-my daughter HOARDS everything!!!! Deena Restifo-Wright 11/22/0 (0)

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: Aloha Deena....

: Sorry for the delay in response here ! Let's see if I can give you some QUICK pointers.....

: <<<The problem is three-fold; we are busy and don't stick to it on a regular basis,

: ## Deena, after reading your post -- THIS ONE AREA is *key* ! Remember...it takes 21 days to create a new habit or break an old one ...I strongly suggest you give it another shot & MAKE it a priority for the next 3 weeks -- especially w/the Holidays swiftly approaching when *more stuff* will land in your daughters room.

: <<<my parents NEVER come empty-handed(there has been wars over this), and she dosn't want to get rid of ANYTHING!

: ## {{{sigh}}}.... I KNOW your parents mean well...yet this is not helping the situation at all!!! First of all in my experience ...kids don't need more *stuff* ...they need more *time* w/parents, grand-parents etc...See if you can convince your folks to *DO* something w/your daughter vs attempting to scores points by giving her things (sorry if that's sound too "cut to the chase"...yet it is the bottom line) :) It is so much easier to buy for kids than give them what they REALLY need-- our attention!

: If your folks feel they still need to buy *stuff* let them know in advance, that unless your daughter is ready to do a "1 in...1 out" method ...that any further gifts will be donated to a childrens home in your daughters name. Your folks really need to *honor* your request. If needs be ..please feel free to let them read my response.

: Another idea you may want to pursue ...is take your daughter on a day -trip . See if you can both volunteer at a shelter ...or kids home or ...whatever you can come up with. Maybe...just maybe ...if your daughter SEES kids with less than her ...you caninspire her to share some of the things she no longer uses. I've seen this work before -- hopefully something will resonate w/your daughter. Besides, it's the perfect time of year to be giving (course I believe we never need a holiday as an excuse ...yet it is a motivating factor for some) Your daughter needs to maybe *experience* other kids who have far less....maybe in this way she won't think of it as "parting with her stuff" ...she'll think of it as helping another child out & learning gratitude for the smaller things in Life)

: Beyond accumulating more *stuff* it is CRUCIAL to teach your child balance at this tender age. Balance in what she owns ...keeps...uses...donates...She needs to get in touch w/the concept of "limited space" for another skill set as well. (more in your 3rd part of this response) She is at such an incredible & tender age & NEEDS to learn these skills before it's too late. I'm sure you heard of "packrats annonymous" -- this is SERIOUS ...& not to be taken lightly!

: If your daughter does not get to master this skill now...she is possibly in for a huge burden of indecision in her later years. I have seen this far too often plague adults in running a home, their professional lives & passing on necessary skills to their own kids.

: <<<She even insists on keeping every scrap paper she has ever doodled on. My file drawer can no longer accomodate her.

: ### Whoa!!!! Hold on a sec Deena. Hmmmm, your daughter is 8 ...& *you* are managing her papers in your space??? Time for a chit -chat :)

: Deena, first of all there are a wealth of tools to assist kids in getting organized. They are meant to assist a child in * maintaining* their own items, memorabilia, papers, toys etc...My first suggestion would be to clear out all of your daughters items from your files! Go shopping together (or do it online) & get her a mini file cabinet of her own, as well as some Rubbermaid containers for storing her treasures.

: Now the key is, that once you purchase the *supply* (15% more than what she needs now-- preferrably after she becomes *open* to the concept of *donating*) ...then you instruct her that "This is it!" Once the containers are filled she will have to make *choices* as one cannot keep everything!! It's physically impossible.

: My suggestion is, that your daughter learn how to weed things out. Tell her she can pick *6* of her favorite pictures drawn from the year, or 12 of her favorite papers graded or 12 special cards...see what we are doing? We are putting a *limit* on how much she can keep. Trust me Deena ...she truly DESPERATELY needs to learn this lesson/skill real soon -- or her Life will be havoc as an adult ;(

:
: Keep me posted & feel free to post your progress or further challenges in this regard.

: Good LUCK!!! I'm rooting for ya!

:
: Much Aloha,

: Julie Signore -
: President: The PHOENIX Organizational Consulting Service
: CEO: 1,2,3 SORT IT Organizing Solutions -- Innovative Tools
: NSA Member, NAPO Member

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